Monogamy, snakes, fruits and faith. Dick Richards examines the ‘old book’s story of the world’s first gay couple and asks if your relationship rules need a New Testament?
Some say rules are made to be broken, but when it comes to rules in a relationship, what are we really breaking when we push the boundaries and cross the line? What do we do when we are tempted?
We’re all familiar with the story of Adam and Steve, they were the first gay couple to walk the earth. One could say they were the perfect couple. They were vers vegan nudists who ploughed the land and each other and they were happy. They lived in a cashless society and were free to roam wherever and do whatever they liked, except eat the fruit from The Wikipedia Tree. But it only took one encounter with a giant snake for Steve to open his mouth and swallow. The snake tempted him and he yielded. Adam and Steve were cast out of the garden of Mount Eden forever.
Everyone blames Steve for ‘the fall’, but what I’m interested in is what was going on for Steve before he came face to face with that giant schlong? Was Adam not communicating? Was Steve triggered? Did they have a fight? Or were they in a good place and Steve unconsciously self-sabotaged the relationship? There’s always a lead up to a massive decision whether you’re aware of it or not. To be able to retrace your thoughts and feelings can be a great way to get insight into where you went wrong, or where you went right.
I think the answer when we’re confronted by a giant snake is to talk to someone – a friend, your therapist or your partner. Nasty things fester in the dark and as hard or as shameful as it may be to talk about, it’s better to be honest with yourself because it’s similar to that feeling of being in the closet – it is shame. And we don’t deserve that, cos boy have we had our share.
Temptation can come in many forms and it’s different for every relationship because every relationship has different rules. It could be cheating if you’re monogamous, or if you’re open – kissing a hook-up, fucking bareback, having a hook-up at home, fucking an ex, etc. The list goes on. And on.
The idea of rules isn’t particularly enticing because it sounds like confinement – but it’s not. I think we are all guilty of wanting to push the boundaries in our lives in one way or another. Thieves talk about the rush they get when they steal, and the rebel without a cause mantra seems like freedom. But when it comes to love and relationships, rules and boundaries are there to protect our hearts. The boundaries we create in a relationship should be discussed thoroughly and mutually decided. You have them because they’re there to protect you, your partner and your relationship.
Freedom isn’t about breaking rules or living without them, it’s about respect. Whatever boundaries you have created for yourself or within your relationship, they were made because you care about what you and your partner are creating together. It’s about respecting yourself, and the relationship. Boundaries create a space to trust, to feel safe, and to build your own Garden of Eden!