It’s inevitable that people change over time, but what happens when you are in a long-term relationship with that person? Dick Richards braces himself for compromise!
What happens after we’ve finished running the dating marathon and have found someone special? Disney told us it’s ‘happy ever after’ and for some of us that means marriage, moving in together, buying a house and getting a French bulldog. That’s all fine and good, but then what? What makes a relationship last and what kills it?
I’ve always been a sore loser. From a young age, I hated losing and it didn’t help that my dad would always let me win Monopoly. I always thought I would win and if I worked hard enough, I’d get what I wanted. But sometimes that’s not the case. It’s a tough life lesson, but that’s just life – sometimes it’s not fair. Because of this, I became very afraid of the ‘C’ word. I thought it meant giving up power or losing, but the older I get the more I realise it means growth. What’s the word you ask? Drum roll please… ‘compromise’. Ugh, even the sound of it gives me the shivers!
Why am I talking about ‘compromise’? Because it’s the key to longevity – in almost everything. When we fall in love, we want it to last. We don’t go into a relationship hoping in two years, we’ll be back on six different apps scrolling through headless torsos and scenery pics. So longevity is the goal, but how can we stop ‘changes’ from ending our relationships?
Compromising in a relationship is a broad topic so I’m going to focus it a little. We all have fantasies of what our lives will look like and who we will end up sharing that life with. But within that fantasy have we made room for change.
Have you prepared yourself for the inevitability of change? That can be change within yourself, change from your partner, or a change of circumstances. The reality is humans change, evolve and grow. Who you met on that first date is going to be a different person in ten years. And to still be enjoying each other’s company a decade on, you’re going to need to compromise.
I know so many relationships that have broken up because there wasn’t any room for change and compromise. They had been together for years and eventually grew apart. It’s so common, isn’t it? There are so many valid reasons for breaking up, I’m not downplaying or trivialising that. You shouldn’t be compromising your identity or the boundaries that you’ve put in place. If you want a long-term relationship, you will need to compromise what you think your future will look like. It was an adaptable Ariel, that lived happily ever after, not an unwavering Ursula.
If your partner who’s only ever been a top decides in five years’ time he only wants to bottom, what happens? Do you break up or do you buy a double-ended dildo?
If they decide they want to be whipped with a feather duster wearing lace is that a deal breaker down the track?
If your partner decides they want to go back to studying how will that work? What if they want to quit their corporate job and pursue something arty and creative?
What if they rethink their pronouns and gender?
Changes will come, the question is, can you change with it?
