Dick Richards realises that dating apps have become the ex he keeps going back to. So how do you break that cycle?

After years and years of dating and still never finding the right guy, you ask yourself ‘What is wrong with me?”

It’s not news that the gay dating world is harder for us than it is for the straights, and we inherently have a few more obstacles to cross. For example: a society that still doesn’t accept us fully, homophobic family members, our own internalized homophobia. What that does to the psyche, well, I’d need more than one page to get into that. What I’m saying is that, yeah, we have some issues, but so does everyone else. So why is it so hard for us gays to find a partner?


Ever been dating someone and it all seems to be going well, the chemistry is there, the sex is great, and you’ve even met their friends and maybe some family, but it just doesn’t seem to be moving forward. The relationship’s kind of stuck and you don’t know why.


Have you been on the dating scene for months or even years, and still haven’t properly made a connection with someone? You’ve had some great dates or even short-lived relationships but there’s always something that’s not right.

Maybe it’s because gay men are never actually single, even when we are ‘single’. What do you mean, you ask? Well, the answer is that gay men are never single because Grindr is our boyfriend.

Think about it and let it sit in your mind. It’s true, isn’t it? Our default is ‘me and Grindr’. Break up with someone – go on Grindr. Bad date? Go on Grindr. Single? Go on Grindr. Grindr is like our lifeboat. We’re never alone when we have it. It’s a quick hit of dopamine and distraction and it’s fucking addictive. Grindr is filled with crotches but really, it’s a gay man’s crutch. I knew a guy who couldn’t cum unless he was nose deep in a popper bottle and some of us can’t get through the day without opening that black-and-yellow app.

Grindr has its perks and purpose. But it can also take up space in our minds and lives where there should be real-life interaction. How the hell are we supposed to meet and connect with people when our brains are only focused on dick pics, sexy chat, and casual sex? We’re wiring our brains for a fleeting high and an orgasm and when we do that, everything else in life becomes blah. Grindr addiction is real and like any addiction, it robs us of control and freedom to have what we really want.

I believe we need to be in the right headspace to be dating and that’s not going to happen when there’s no space in our hearts and heads. To be open to the possibility of a relationship, we have to truly be single and ready to take on the highs and lows of the dating experience. We need to stop numbing ourselves with distraction and break up with Joel Simkhai [founder of Grindr] because he doesn’t give a shit about you. Somewhere out there, a table for two awaits you and your partner’s arrival, and you’re going to get there much faster without the crutches.