Man-hating lesbians aren’t a real thing, but lesbian-loving straight cis ‘lesbros’ are, and Jessie Lewthwaite wants more!

Doing my patented butch dance, which I bust out when I haven’t had enough gins to actually do my far goofier real dancing, I slowly push through the crowd to the bar. I was on my way to rescue my friend, who was at the bar and gesturing frantically to me.

“Jessie, order for us. They won’t serve me.”


I had just moved to Auckland and was so excited to check out K Road and the queer scene. I didn’t know many people here yet, but luckily my best mate lived close by and was also keen to come out. Unfortunately, he is a straight cis man, which I didn’t realize at the time might create an issue. See, we went to the only girl party Auckland had at that time, Lick.

The hot lady bartender turned to me instantly and asked what I’d like with a smile. I explained that my mate wasn’t drunk (assuming that was why she wouldn’t serve him) but she just grimaced.

“Oh, did you bring him?” she said, looking at him like he was something gross and sticky.

I’ve reflected on this experience. My mate loves telling this story because he thinks it makes him sound cooler than he actually is. But I have to do my part to break the stereotype because it’s actually very rare to find the “man-hating lesbian” that I hear so much about. The fact that this story is the only example I could think of for this article says a lot.

In reality, lesbians don’t hate men. Why would we? We don’t have to date them! Talk to any woman who is attracted to men, and I guarantee she hates men way more than I do. I’ve been in a room full of straight women having a vent about their husbands and boyfriends, going into every detail of just how incompetent, immature and irritating they all are. But when I mention that I’m gay, suddenly I’m the one who hates men? Like, girl, do you hear yourself?!

Not being attracted to men means I get to surround myself with the kindest, funniest and coolest guys. These are the men awesome enough to be friends with a lesbian, and these boys I call “lesbros” (patent pending). I can imagine that once you add attraction into the equation, only being around decent guys might be more of a challenge, but we don’t have this problem.

Much like the equivalent species, the ‘fag hag’, a ‘les bro’ is a straight guy who is an ally, has common interests and just wants to support their mates in our community. ‘Les bros’ have taught me that I have so much in common with straight men. I love video games, beers down the pub with a sport happening vaguely near me, and, of course, women. We’re a match made in heaven. I’ve acquired a close group of guys who I’ve come to love like brothers.

Ladies who are attracted to men (be you straight, bi or a flavour of pan), there is no higher recommendation than a dude who is good friends with a lesbian. That’s a man who is so cool that a girl who has no need for a man in her life opts to spend time with him.

Who doesn’t want their man to have a friend who will always call him out on his shit? Plus, we are no threat to you, cause… ew gross!