Jordan Stephens has challenged what he sees as a double standard in the way some straight men think about being sexualised, after overhearing a man say he could not relax around gay men.
The musician, actor and longtime LGBTQ+ ally shared the story on the Miss Me? podcast with co-host Miquita Oliver while discussing why he enjoys spending time in queer venues.
Stephens said LGBTQ+ spaces can give him a sense of freedom and joy that he does not always experience elsewhere, describing them as places where he feels able to relax in a less judgemental environment.
Among the London venues he referenced were Dalston Superstore and The Divine, both well-known queer nightlife spaces.
A conversation in the sauna
Stephens said the exchange happened in the sauna at his local gym.
He overheard one man talking about enjoying a night out at a gay bar and joined the conversation, agreeing that queer venues can often feel less aggressive than some traditionally straight nightlife spaces.
According to Stephens, another man then expressed discomfort at the idea that gay men might be looking at him sexually.
“The thing is, when you’re in these spaces, I don’t know if I can relax ’cause I don’t know what they’re thinking,” Stephens recalled the man saying.
Stephens pushed back.
“Yet you’re willing to be in a straight space where you’re doing the same thing to women,” he replied.
He said the exchange highlighted an inconsistency: feeling uncomfortable at the possibility of being sexualised while being willing to participate in spaces where women may routinely experience exactly that.
“So you know that there’s a level of discomfort with experiencing the idea that you might be being sexualised, but you are willing to be the person doing it in a whole other space,” he said.
What the exchange says about queer spaces
Stephens’ point was not that everyone in a gay bar is automatically respectful, nor that straight venues are inherently unsafe.
Rather, his comments speak to a familiar experience for many LGBTQ+ people: queer venues can provide spaces where traditional expectations around gender, sexuality and masculinity are disrupted.
For some straight men, being in a space where they are no longer automatically positioned as the person doing the looking — and might instead feel looked at themselves — can be unfamiliar.
Stephens argued that the discomfort can offer useful perspective on what many women experience in everyday social settings.
His comments also challenge the assumption that the mere presence of gay men makes a space inherently sexual.
For LGBTQ+ communities, that stereotype has a long history, often portraying queer people — particularly gay men — as predatory or unable to respect boundaries.
In reality, attraction and inappropriate behaviour are not the same thing. Someone potentially finding another person attractive does not mean that person is entitled to invade their space or cross their boundaries.
Stephens says straight men can benefit from queer spaces
Stephens, best known as one half of British music duo Rizzle Kicks, has repeatedly spoken publicly in support of LGBTQ+ communities.
In March 2026, he appeared at Trans Mission, a major benefit concert at Wembley Arena held in solidarity with trans people and raising funds for Good Law Project and trans-led charity Not A Phase.
At the event, Stephens argued that straight men could benefit from spending more time in queer spaces.
That idea ties closely to his sauna story.
Queer venues can give people the chance to experience social environments where conventional ideas about masculinity, sexuality and who is expected to pursue whom are less rigid.
For straight allies, entering those spaces respectfully can also offer a greater understanding of why dedicated LGBTQ+ venues remain important.
Queer bars, clubs and community spaces have historically provided places where LGBTQ+ people can socialise, express affection and simply exist without having to constantly assess whether their sexuality or gender identity will provoke hostility.
For Stephens, that atmosphere appears to be precisely what makes them worth seeking out.
Allyship that goes beyond words
Stephens has built a public reputation as an LGBTQ+ ally through both his work and appearances supporting queer and trans communities.
His participation in Trans Mission placed him alongside performers and speakers including Olly Alexander, Adam Lambert, Munroe Bergdorf and Sir Ian McKellen in an event explicitly organised around solidarity with trans people.
His latest comments also offer a simple challenge to straight men who feel uneasy about entering queer spaces: consider why the possibility of being looked at feels threatening, and whether that discomfort reveals something about the way others are treated elsewhere.
For LGBTQ+ audiences in Aotearoa New Zealand, the conversation may feel particularly familiar.
Queer venues are not simply places to drink or dance. They can be community spaces where people feel freer to connect, flirt, celebrate and exist without having to explain themselves.
And, as Stephens suggests, perhaps straight men have something to learn from them too.
