October: Ask Agony Uncle Eli

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I feel deeply ashamed. I’m a married man and have been faithful to my wife for over 30 years until last weekend. My friends invited me to a [chemsex] party. I guess I went because I wanted to get high and watch other men together, but after I smoked methamphetamine, I wanted to join in. Now I’m back to reality and I feel sick over what I did. I want to tell my wife but she will be horrified. I have no intention of doing it again. Do I tell her? Who can I talk to?

Take a deep breath. You are human. Admittedly you put yourself in a dangerous situation where there was a temptation with sex and drugs, but as you say, you have no intention of doing it again. Wait until the experience is not so recent and take time to gather your thoughts before deciding whether to disclose to your wife. Get checked for HIV and STIs. You can also call OUTLine on 0800 688 5463 and talk to a Helpline Operator about chemsex. Know you’re not alone, and seek advice on moving forward.

 

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I have just turned 16 and came out as F2M transgender at home. My parents have been supportive. My problem is with my school. My father was told by the principal to encourage me to stay in the girl’s uniform until after I leave school to protect me from harassment. What the hell? I can’t wait another two years…

My heart goes out to you. Ignorance is everywhere around trans gender issues. For the school to recommend you retain the incorrect uniform for your gender in order to prevent bullying says more about the school’s bullying policy than it does about trans students. I suggest you contact Rainbow Youth and speak to their Education Co-ordinator to arrange a visit to your school assembly and present solid information around trans people being free to exist authentically without harassment. Your school needs to have a chat with potential bullies, and you need to stay you.

 

Elijah Luke Michel is a chaplain and counsellor for the LGBT+ community, working with both Rainbow Youth and OUTLine as an independent consultant, and also on the board of OUTLine. If you have an issue you would like Elijah to talk about in express, email ask@gayexpress.co.nz.

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