Ask Agony Uncle Eli

Rainbow Counsellor Elijah Michel is here to help with your queer issues. This month he tackles a light-fingered lover and explaining a parent’s transition to your grandchildren.

I helped my new girlfriend get a job at the retail outlet I manage and the other day when going over security footage I was dismayed to see her changing price labels on items that she then went on to purchase. Staff get a decent discount as it is, and she is not poor, so I am baffled as to why she was doing it. Our accounts hadn’t been adding up recently and now I know why. I am yet to tell her because I’m trying to figure out a valid reason why she may be doing it. I am the only one who has seen the footage. Do I confront her? Report her to the owners? And if I do, will she then leave me?

Not a pleasant thing to discover by any means and I can understand your hesitancy in raising the issue with both her and your employers, but theft is a serious crime and due to your connection with her your own job is also at risk. There are two avenues you can take – either confront her privately, with a plan in place for how you might respond to her possible reasons; or to “assist” your employer in discovering the footage and letting things progress naturally from there. At the end of the day this is not something you need hanging over your head, nor your career if it comes to light you have known of her transgression and chose to ignore it.

We have raised our eight-year-old granddaughter since she was three and she has had little contact with her mother, our daughter-in-law, over that time. A few days ago her mother got in touch to tell us she is now clean from addiction and wants not only to renew weekly visits but that she is also a man. My wife and I are in disbelief that this woman would have the audacity to create further trauma for our grandchild, and while we are happy to consider supervised visits we don’t know how to tell her mum now has a deep voice and a beard! Someone suggested writing into you!

That cannot have been easy news to receive and I have no doubt you want the best for your grandchild, especially after all you’ve done for her over the past five years. That said, both your granddaughter and her biological parent have the right to be connected with each other. It is paramount you read up on Gender Dysphoria and the female-to-male transitioning process as your granddaughter will be looking to you as to how to respond and it would be tragic if your own lack of knowledge affected their future relationship. Being transgendered is never a choice, and most likely a factor in the years of addiction your in-law has endured, but with your support, this could begin the healing process for you all.