Ask Agony Aunt Lisa: I’m a 20 year Old Virgin and I’m Looking For Love

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Rainbow Counsellor Lisa Michelle is here to help with your problems.

Q – I am 20 years old and I am a virgin. I only came out a year ago and am not interested in casual sex, but I do want a boyfriend and someone to love. Because I have never had a partner before I am very new at anything to do with sex. How can I prevent embarrassment when I do meet someone I like?

A – You are a wise young man to seek advice around first-time sex. Well done for reaching out for advice and sharing your situation with others. I have two words for you: safety and respect. Both are paramount; safety because anal sex is riskier when it comes to sharing sexually transmitted diseases and HIV, and respect because as a dear friend says, “sex can unleash some of the most powerful emotions we have.” It is important that you know your future partner well before getting down to business. Is he also a virgin? If not, has he consistently practiced safe sex? Has he had a recent blood test? Perhaps you could go together to get one done, even though you may not need it, as a sign of mutual respect. Keep in mind oral sex can still present health risks. A fantastic website to visit is NZAF’s Love Your Condom, which has a page (and video) on great, safe first-time sex. Stay safe, stay respectful and respected, and enjoy the learning curve.

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Lisa Michelle is a Chaplain and Counsellor for the GLBT Community, working with both Rainbow Youth and OUTLine NZ as an independent consultant and also on the board of OUTLine. If you have an issue you would like Lisa to talk about in express, email and let her know at ask@gayexpress.co.nz

Article | Lisa Michelle

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