Our dating expert Dick Richards takes a good hard look at our phallic fascination and addresses the size queen culture of our gay dating scene.

You can’t deny our communities obsession with dick size and with that obsession comes dick shame. I think all men are aware of their size and it’s not just isolated, but with great power (or size), comes great responsibility. 

We’ve all seen it on the apps and its total clickbait, ‘8 Inches Looking’ or ‘Hung 4 Hung’. It’s as if a big dick is a prize only for the privileged. It’s actually offensive!


We can’t be that shallow, can we?

What people should really be advertising is: “The Nicest Guy You’ll Ever Meet” or “The Best Sex You’ll Ever Have” or “Multiple Orgasms – Guaranteed!”

That would pique my interest!

Sure, we can have our preferences and the argument is always a thick dick feels better, but I think we need to be more careful and sensitive to things we can’t change. I mean, none of us like being judged for our sexuality, yet we’re more than happy to judge each other on size. Interesting…

As a proud bottom, I will say a big dick doesn’t equal great sex, fact.

All it means is that I’m gonna need to keep applying a shit tonne of lube and maybe work the sphincter with a dildo beforehand. It’s more of a chore than anything else. I prefer what the ‘experts’ call a medium-sized dick.

It means it’s not gonna hurt and I’m gonna be able to take it for longer. From experience, these hung guys have no idea what to do with it. They think they can just shove it in and go to town. Boy, do you have a lot to learn… also, it’s pretty hard to suck a giant courgette. The more I think about it, having a big dick is more of a burden. The idea is titillating, but the reality is it is just a burden for both parties.

But why is it so titillating?

Porn! And our obsession with size. Straight men love big tits, and gay men love big cocks. It’s this weird commodity we’ve created and we seem to measure our sexual prowess by it.

Most of us own a car, but owning one doesn’t make you a good driver, it makes you a car owner. And owning a big car doesn’t make you special just like being hung doesn’t make you special.

To be honest, the guys I’ve met with average-sized penises are usually the nicest guys, and the guys with large ones are just dicks. They seem to think they’re more important, more of a catch, and act with a sense of entitlement – which is totally delusional. This isn’t coming from a place of bitterness at the size of my own. It’s coming from a place of experience. 

Unfortunately, you can’t change the size of your shlong, just the angle when you take pics of it. The only thing you can do is get that weed whacker and trim its base. If you’ve ever felt shame about your size, just remember, a dick is a dick, and it’s who’s attached to it that’s more important.