As the late and exceptionally great Whitney Houston once said, ‘How Will I Know?’ It’s a question many of us ask after a few dates. Is this person the one? Is this getting serious? Should I invest myself in this or have I subconsciously already invested? Dick Richards believes the answer for all of us, lies at the centre of our digestive systems: trust your gut!
When you know, you know. That’s the saying, isn’t it? But WHEN do you know, and HOW do you know? And when you know, do you really know? Or do you just think you know? I’m talking about that exciting and scary question we ask when we starting dating, “does this have a future?”.
But before we get started let’s acknowledge how fucking hard the gay dating scene is… can I get an amen? Buckle your seatbelt because there are a lot of dicks out there – pun intended! You’re gonna get ghosted, led on, bitched about, but then you’re also going to meet some amazing people; maybe make a friend for life. It’s all part of the journey baby. I just want you to be prepared.
It’s important to figure what you actually want in a partner, what you’re willing to compromise and if you’re ready to be triggered. Because relationships are very different to hook-ups and I think some of us go into dating with the same attitude: if it doesn’t satisfy my needs, then it’s time to move on. But that’s not realistic – it’s selfish.
If you have been dating for a few months – when do you know if this is someone you want to introduce to the parentals? Unfortunately, we don’t get a notification on our phones for this. But here’s the answer: gut.
What does your gut say? Ignore what you’ve been led to believe through Disney and Hollywood and those stupid online quizzes. It’s all in your gut. Because your feelings aren’t always trustworthy and sometimes your head doesn’t match your heart, but your gut and instinct will usually guide you the right way. That’s my experience.
If you’re anything like me, your head will be filled with many a thought true and false. And it takes time to rustle through them. But looking back at all my dating experiences and partners, it’s been the gut that’s told the truth. Because the gut knows the truth of what you want in life. You can try and trick it but you aren’t going to be happy. I reckon your gut is your life compass.
You know the feeling. You’ve been seeing this guy/girl for a while but something’s just ‘off’. You can’t put your finger on it, you enjoy their company, the sex is great, but something is just not right. Or the chemistry is on fire but you both want different things within the boundaries of your relationship. It’s true, love makes you blind, but what does that gut say? It’s normal to get triggered and project past pains in a relationship, but it’s important to figure out what’s your shit to deal with and how you genuinely feel about the person standing in front of you.
If I could go back in time, I’d tell myself to “go with your gut and trust your instincts.” I’d ask myself “Is the relationship worth the investment?” That’s a big question! If the answer’s “not really” then I suggest you save yourself the time and potential pain and break it off. If the answer is yes, then be prepared for a wild ride. If the answer’s “I don’t know yet”, then keep going, because your gut will tell you soon enough.