You can’t just walk up to that guy across the bar and tell him you like him because he’s a 10 and you’re, well, a solid six and a half? And have you seen Brian’s new boyfriend! Talk about reaching! It will never last… Dick Richard’s calls bullshit on your beauty standards!

In a world so focused on the superficial, it’s easy to get caught up with what’s on the outside instead of what’s underneath the surface. It’s prevalent within gay culture, what our bodies and face look like are so important. I don’t think I’ve ever met a gay man at peace with their appearance. There’s always something that needs to be worked on, more that can be done, better ways to get that cut body that, apparently, we all drool over!

No thanks. Having sex with a smooth plastic mannequin is not my fantasyand self-loathing is a hundred per cent, not an aphrodisiac! 


Close your eyes and come on a journey with me… quieten your thoughts and just imagine an alternate universe… where men spend more time in therapy working on their mental health than they do at the gym working on their physical appearance. Grindr profiles would have face pics because everyone is out and proud and not cheating on their partner. Thirst trap posts wouldn’t exist because our validation would come from within ourselves, and no one would ever tell you you’re ‘punching’ when they meet your partner.  

“Wow, he’s hot!” or “You’ve done well for yourself!” or “How did you manage such a catch?”

Have you experienced someone saying that? Or have you just thought it yourself? Maybe the answer is yes to both! But what the fuck is hot and what is not? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and what that beholder sees as valuable is none of our business and not for us to understand. 

I read an article once in one of those trashy gossip magazines [not expressEd]. It was about hot female models who date men with dad-bods. They had pictures to back it up. These ‘hot’ bodied models in bikinis at the beach with these men with beer bellies and saggy B-cups. I was lured by the article and bought what they were selling. I thought, “why the hell are these hot women with these pasty accountants?”. Now I understand. Maybe the ‘hot’ male models they’d met weren’t all that. Maybe they lacked respect, understanding, humour and integrity. Who the fuck knows, they’re happy and we’re just jealous. 

The fact is no one is really better looking than anyone. It’s more about what’s valued by that person and what has influenced them. In Bruce Willis’s hay day, his unpumped hairy body was considered sexy, in the seventies The Ramones with their skinny legs were hot, now, steroid-enhanced bodies like Chris Hemsworth or Zac Efron are on the pedestal.

Good mental health is hot. Confidence is hot. A good sense of humour is hot. Integrity is the hottest. These characteristics by far trump giant pecs, big arms and good bone structure.

As I’ve gotten older and hopefully wiser, I’ve realized a person’s personality dictates their appearance. If according to shallow gays, you’re ‘not attractive’, it’s very clear what that person values. They only see what they see, but what you see is what matters.

So, if someone ever insinuates, you’re punching, remember Art Simone’s famous line from RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under… “that means nothing!”