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Former TVNZ reporter Arrun Soma is the co-founder of Indian Origin Pride NZ, an organisation helping support communities dealing with the intersectionality of their rainbow and ethnic identities. He speaks to express about his inspiration, marriage and surrogacy journey.

Tell us how you personally become involved in Indian Origin Pride New Zealand (IOPNZ)?

In early 2020, I was running Wellington Indian Pride to help give back to my own community – rainbow Indians and their families, in my home city, who like me were struggling with the intersectionality of their rainbow identity and their ethnic identity. We were looking to take our organisation national.

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I was the strategist, while my husband Jake, my parents and my siblings were the doers! We had great early success.

At the same time, Auckland Indian man Shay Singh made fantastic progress looking to launch his own national organisation with similar goals.

Shay and I joined forces to co-found IOPNZ. We are two people passionate about helping our community. We have lived experience of being a minority within a minority.

IOPNZ is a charitable trust with a Board which governs our operations. We aim to support those in need – whether that’s by holding social events, being at pride festivals, engaging with the Indian and rainbow communities, or talking to change-makers who can help make Aotearoa a more inclusive place.

Rainbow Indians and our families must be proud to be our authentic selves in Aotearoa, with support from the wider Indian community.

IOPNZ empowers rainbow Indians to celebrate our ethnic, cultural, sexual and gender identities collectively.

Arrun Soma and partner Jake.

What are IOPNZ’s top goals for 2022 and beyond?

Launching publicly was our first big goal. We considered a small event, but we decided to go big.

We launched at the Grand Hall in Parliament, hosted by Shanan Halbert MP. In attendance were the  Deputy Prime Minister, other MPs, the Chief Human Rights Commissioner and Wellington’s Mayor.

Most importantly and authentically, we had great representation from Indian community leaders, rainbow community leaders, and rainbow Indian people – the very people our organisation is for.

Since our launch, we have started in-person social events in Auckland and Wellington, and we’ve had stalls at Taranaki pride and Tauranga pride.

The next big goal is developing and running a pilot peer support programme – rainbow Indians supporting rainbow Indian and their families. We are here to support our vulnerable people and their families.

Some of our readers will recognise you from your time as a BBC and TVNZ reporter. What did your years as a journalist teach you?

My time as a journalist taught me to fight for those that are vulnerable, silenced, less fortunate, abused, neglected, and who need a step up.

There is no equal playing field unless we create it together.

There will always be people in this world who need someone to fight for them. They won’t be able to do it themselves, for complex and very understandable reasons. Being a reporter is about having empathy for those needing love and care, and holding change-makers to account.

When and how did you meet your husband Jake?

Jake and I met more than a decade ago back when internet dating was accessed via an internet browser. Rather than a prolonged chat back and forth, we met for a drink within a week to suss each other out in the real world. And we clicked straight away. We went full force into our relationship – dates, weekend trips away, meeting families. We knew this would work out well. It just felt right.

Can you tell us about the moment you realised Jake was the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?

It was about four months into our relationship when I realised, and Jake did too at the same time, that we couldn’t see our lives without each other. We connected on the deepest of levels about life, and on the most superficial levels dancing to Gaga songs at Ivy Bar.

The real test for us was moving in together and then travelling. We moved to Hiroshima in Japan for a year, and then to London for four years. We had the best time travelling the world and making memorable moments together.

What inspired the two of you to tie the knot?

Jake and I are best friends, soul mates, and lifelong partners in crime.

When I was trying to identify my sexuality in my late teens and early twenties, I just wanted what all my friends had ahead of them. To be ‘normal’. My idea of ‘normal’ was a legal spouse, a white picket-fenced house, children and happiness. Why should I be any different?

I never understood why I wasn’t able to access these things as easily as my heterosexual friends.

So, getting married wasn’t just a show of my love and commitment to Jake and vice versa, it was about showing Aotearoa that we are just as valid as a heterosexual couple.

Marriage for us is not just about our love for each other, it is about equal rights and opportunities.

Two has now become three. Please can you tell us about your surrogacy journey?

A few years back we had a healthy conversation with a wonderful friend of ours, Lacey, who offered to be our surrogate. Other friends, same-sex female couple Alice and Dee, would be our egg donors.

As a unit, we went through the hugely emotional and physical journey of creating a baby. We are so blessed to have such friends – and we are just so deeply in love with our bubba Niko. The lovely ladies are now aunties to Niko, and we all stay in touch. They are part of our family circle.

What all of us are clear about – is that Niko has two dads. He doesn’t have and doesn’t need a mother to be a happy and healthy young boy. We fully support all same-sex or gender-diverse parents.

Niko has changed our lives and made us feel like the family unit we always wanted to be. He’s filled our home so it is less empty. What also fills our home is the love and support that Lacey (and hubby Nick), Alice and Dee – and our wider families – have shown us.

We are so pleased that Niko will be raised by two loving dads, and like others doing this too, we hope to pave the way for more rainbow families.

We are connected in with a few gay couples who have kids Niko’s age. We have a coffee group together, and it’s just lovely seeing families like ours. They are all just so wonderful and their kids are gorgeous.

How was the surrogacy process for you?

The process is long and cumbersome and expensive, but there are changes afoot in Parliament currently. The months ahead will be a telling sign of how the surrogacy and adoption laws can be changed to remove barriers for would-be parents.

Tell us about fatherhood! What has surprised you?

Niko has just started, at seven months old, farting and then laughing at himself – a very pleased young lad. Not sure if he gets that from Jake or I.

What has surprised me most is the love and support we get from strangers. When people see Niko has two dads, strangers smile at us and tell us we’re doing a great job. They are empathetic towards the struggles of rainbow people and rainbow families – and they perhaps surprise themselves with the realisation that a same-sex couple can raise a happy, healthy, loving and caring child.

For more information on Indian Origin Pride NZ visit iopnz.org

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