Jessie Lewthwaite gives her top money-saving tips for women who love women (WLW).
Recently, when I was out at a queer event, I made sure to take a glass of wine with a nice, heavy pour. I grabbed one much the same for my friend and went back to where she was standing. I was half done with the wine before I’d even handed hers over. She gave me a questioning look.
“I’m saving money,” I explained. See, the wine at the event was free, and we were planning on going out for drinks after the event as well. But if I filled up on free wine, then I’d only have one drink out and basically make money on the night. That’s just basic math. My completely sound logic was accepted, and we both drained our glasses.
Being a devoted curator of memes, I’ve, of course, seen the trend online of ‘girl math’, ‘boy math’, and even ‘gay math’. Having never been a math person, much preferring words to numbers, this surge in popularity of arithmetic is alarming. However, we are currently facing a cost-of-living crisis. So I thought I’d offer some budgeting and finance advice to those unfortunate enough to be queer in this economy.
1) Firstly, we need to embrace our dietary requirements as a money-saving strategy. A lot of WLW have food allergies or are vegetarian or vegan. Cheese and meat are very expensive, so you are absolutely winning at money-saving while maintaining your moral high ground. Also, congrats on your lactose intolerance, you frugal queen! So jealous!
2) I don’t have money to splurge on myself, but if I see something cute for my girl, then I have money. This also counts if you are single or poly. Any money you spend on dating girls doesn’t count because you’re investing in your future. Girlfriend math also means that if I buy the ingredients for a meal, but my girlfriend cooks it, that meal is free. However, if I get a new hoodie to replace the hoodie that my girlfriend stole, my girlfriend now has two hoodies.
3) We also need to make sure that our opposition to gender conformity is making us money. For example, if the dreaded ‘Check Engine’ light haunts your car’s dash, you should ask a room full of lesbians! Statistically, one of them will be a mechanic and will fix it for a six-pack of craft beer.
4) Walk everywhere to save money and time. Lesbian walk speed is fuelled by the rage of toxic men. Every time a lesbian is asked by a man if he can watch, she gets 2% faster. That’s science (I don’t make the rules).
5) The obvious WLW relationship stereotype of moving too fast is actually just a smart financial decision in 2023. We all know three months is actually three years in WLW relationship time, so embrace tradition! Borrow your butch friend’s truck, get your most neurotic friend to help you pack, and enjoy paying half the rent. This will also help you dodge the pink tax!
8) If I buy two packets of tampons for my period and there are some left for my girlfriend’s period, then we have dodged the pink tax, and her period is free.
9) If you are subscribed to a streaming service for only one show, BUT that show has lesbians in it, then you actually make money because representation is everything.
Overall, although we queer women do have financial disadvantages like the pink tax and gender wage gap to contend with, we can find loopholes! And remember, if you start to feel down about the economy, just remember that at least we won’t get pregnant by accident!
. ){kind=link}