A woman involved in a groundbreaking LGBTQ+ custody case in China has been given a glimmer of hope for the future after being granted the right to visit her daughter monthly.
Didi, 42, who resides in Shanghai, travelled to Beijing last month to see her seven-year-old daughter for the first time in four years. The child lives in Beijing with Didi’s estranged wife and their other child. In May, a Beijing court ruled that Didi could have monthly visitation with the daughter she gave birth to in 2017. “I think maybe she still remembers me,” Didi said, adding that the years of separation had been “heartbreaking.” She requested to be referred to by her nickname for privacy reasons.
The visitation order from the Beijing Fengtai People’s Court is significant. It marks the first instance of a Chinese court recognising that a child can have two legal mothers. LGBTQ+ advocates have celebrated the decision as a significant milestone.
However, Didi has not been granted contact with her son, the daughter’s brother, reflecting the challenges Chinese courts face in navigating LGBTQ+ family dynamics.
Didi’s lengthy legal battle for shared custody represents China’s first court case dealing with same-sex parent custody issues. Same-sex unions are not legally recognised in China, but this recent legal victory has been seen as “very important” by an LGBTQ+ activist, who remained anonymous. The activist highlighted the significance of a court acknowledging that a child can have two mothers.
Didi and her wife married in the US in 2016 and later underwent IVF treatment. Embryos created using Didi’s wife’s eggs and donor sperm were implanted in both women. Didi gave birth to a daughter in 2017, and her wife gave birth to a son. Both children are genetically linked only to Didi’s ex-wife. “We were creating new life… I didn’t imagine that one day we would break up,” Didi reflected.
Upon returning to China, the couple’s relationship deteriorated, and in 2019, they separated, though they remain legally married in the US. Didi’s wife relocated to Beijing with the children and cut off all contact between them and Didi.
In March 2020, Didi filed a lawsuit for custody, initiating China’s first same-sex custody dispute. Four years later, she achieved a partial victory.
Didi’s lawyer, Gao Mingyue, explained that Chinese law adopts an “avoidance approach” towards gay relationships, lacking clear definitions for same-sex couples’ rights. The legal framework assumes children are born within heterosexual marriages, making it difficult for courts to address cases like Didi’s.
Despite giving birth to her daughter, Didi’s lack of a genetic connection to her son has made it challenging for her to be recognised as his legal guardian. “I really love both my children. I want to look after them,” she said.
Since China scrapped its one-child policy and now encourages larger families, courts have become more open to protecting the rights of children born out of wedlock, including those in LGBTQ+ households and single-parent families, Gao noted. However, for same-sex couples, the legal landscape remains challenging, with courts still failing to protect the agreements between them.
In 2019, a campaign advocating for same-sex marriage in China’s new civil code garnered over 200,000 submissions during a public consultation. Although the effort did not succeed, it led to a rare public acknowledgment of the issue by a government spokesperson.
A July survey from the Williams Institute at UCLA found that 85% of nearly 3,000 respondents held positive views towards same-sex parents, with nearly 90% supporting same-sex marriage. As Chinese society becomes more tolerant of LGBTQ+ people, “the law should catch up,” the activist argued.
For Didi, the outcome is bittersweet—while she gained visitation rights with her daughter, she has been denied contact with her son. However, her lawyer, Gao, views the case as a “big step forward.”
Gao said the case has sparked widespread discussion on Chinese social media and in academic circles, setting a precedent for two mothers sharing parental custody.
Didi remains hopeful that as China becomes more open, its legal system will gradually recognise same-sex households, even if only through small, incremental changes. “It’s very simple,” she stated, “other families have one father and one mother. We have two mothers.”
