Ask Agony Aunt Lisa – Begrudgingly Marry?


Rainbow Counsellor Lisa Michelle is here to help with your problems.

Q. My girlfriend of 15 years proposed to me last week and I’ve been in turmoil ever since. I’m not afraid of commitment, but I just don’t see the need to marry after so long. When she proposed I said yes, of course, but I didn’t tell her how I really felt about marriage. To me, it’s just a piece of paper. Do I tell her how I feel, or do I begrudgingly go ahead with a wedding?

A. Marriage means different things to different people, and I understand your ambivalence after 15 years together. Why bother indeed? Perhaps you could raise the issue over dinner one night and ask her what marriage means to her? Is she needing to “cement” the relationship? Is she wanting to celebrate your relationship with family and friends? Has marriage been discussed between you in the past? If not, why not? I would suggest that if marriage was against your core values then you be honest and share your thoughts with her. If it’s neither here nor there for you, and important to her, then maybe she will be the incentive to go ahead with the wedding.


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Lisa Michelle is a Chaplain and Counsellor for the GLBT Community, working with both Rainbow Youth and OUTLine NZ as an independent consultant and also on the board of OUTLine.