Lifestyle Opinion

Ask Agony Uncle Eli

Elijah Michel
Written by Elijah Michel

Rainbow Counsellor Elijah Luke Michel is here to help with your problems.


Q. I had my first threesome last weekend after my boyfriend suggested we pick up a girl at the bar. I’m 23 and straight, and have never thought of women in a sexual way before so I was surprised that I enjoyed it so much! I really want to do it again but am worried if I suggest it first then he might think I’m lesbian. Also, am I actually lesbian?

A. Sounds like you’re beginning to question your sexual orientation. You say you have never perceived women in a sexual light before – is this because you have believed it was wrong? Did being with a woman awaken something in you? Or were you simply enjoying the moment, unconcerned about who you were with? Google Bi-curious and note you are not alone. If this is something your partner suggested and you enjoyed it, why not suggest it again? It is, after all, a valid part of your life journey so stay safe and enjoy!

Q. I have been feeling very low lately. I am nearing 70 and see no hope of anything changing in future. I live alone, have few connections, and am too ashamed to ask for help. I have experienced depression a few times in my life – just before I came out, during the Homosexual Law Reform, and last year when my partner died. I’m currently feeling like I want to reunite with him. What can I do?

A. I do feel for you. You have faced serious challenges in your life and you will naturally be re-experiencing depression with the recent loss of your partner. Please let your GP know how you are feeling. There are numbers you can call if you are feeling at risk of harming yourself (Lifeline 0800 543 354, Suicide Crisis Helpline 0508 828 865, Depression Helpline 0800 111 757). You may also benefit from grief counselling – find a therapist experienced in both grief and same-sex relationships as the last thing you need now is invalidation (OUTLine on 08006885463) and contact Seniorline to find out what support services/interest groups are in your area. You have surpassed your shame by reaching out here – your partner would be proud.

If you have an issue you would like Elijah to address in express, email ask@gayexpress.co.nz.Questions are only viewed by Elijah and your identity will remain completely confidential at all times.

About the author

Elijah Michel

Elijah Michel

Elijah Michel is a faithless Chaplain and Counsellor for the Rainbow Community, working with both Rainbow Youth and OUTLine NZ as an independent consultant.

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