Host of Celebrity Treasure Island and ZM’s afternoon show, Bree Tomasel has fast become an Australian-born national treasure to the Kiwis who embrace her down-to-earth, hilarious presenting style. Just in time for the gift-giving season, Tomasel has penned her first autobiography, ‘Unapologetically Me,’ and talks to Oliver Hall about struggling to come out to her father, rejecting labels and lesbians moving in together ‘at the drop of a hat’!
“It’s probably my biggest regret in life,” Tomasel tells us solemnly, reflecting on the decade she avoided telling her father she was gay. She describes it as an ‘elephant in the room,’ suspecting he had guessed ‘a lot earlier, but it just wasn’t spoken about.’
“That bred shame in me for a long time,” she says with a hefty weight in her voice.
“I’d go home at Christmas time, and I would have partners, but I wouldn’t bring them home because it was weird. My sister would have her husband there, and my brother would have his girlfriend. It was just horrible. I wish I could go back and bring it out into the open a lot earlier,” she says.
Bree explains that she told her mum she was dating a woman when she was 21, but begged her not to tell her staunchly Catholic father.
“And she kept that secret for me for years and years!” Bree explains.
“My mum is the most supportive, beautiful human in the whole world, but these were uncharted waters for her. She asked all the questions she thought she should ask. But no one gets these things perfect. She regrets keeping it a secret and not encouraging me or reassuring me that it would be okay, but hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn’t it?”
In ‘Unapologetically Me,’ Bree reveals that after 10 years of living a double life, she finally told her dad that she had a girlfriend, a moment that has helped make their relationship stronger than ever.
Bree tells us she hopes the book can help others to find their strength earlier, “whether that’s someone struggling with their sexuality or parents who might treat situations with their children differently in the future.”
She says she will consider the book a success if it helps at least one person. “This book is for people who are authentically living as themselves and the ones still searching for the courage to do that. If it helps one person realise that they just need to be them, then I’ve done what I set out to do.”
Bree tells us the voice she found as a writer is more serious than the amusing anecdotes she dishes out on TV and radio.
“The book’s quite heavy. I feel like people are gonna pick it up and go, ‘Oh, this will be a funny read,’ and then read and be like, ‘Oh, shit, this bitch is fucked up!’”
Aside from ‘coming out,’ the book also reflects on Bree’s experiences of being diagnosed with anxiety and then, years later, ADHD, which she describes as a ‘weird process.’
“I thought I only had anxiety. When you add something else, you kind of grieve that version of yourself that you thought you were your whole life,” she explains.
However, when we ask for her advice to those struggling with the same, she is quick to point out that she’s no expert.
“Fucked if I know… it’s a real roller coaster. My best advice is to try and understand your brain. It’s different for everyone. There’s no one cookie-cutter easy fix. For me, it’s taken many years to come to terms with the fact that this is something I’ll live with forever. It’s not that you fix it and then move on. You have to manage it throughout your life…. But it’s taught me to be a lot kinder to myself,” she tells us.
For Bree, being kinder also means not forcing herself into other people’s boxes. When YOUR ex last interviewed her in 2021, she referred to herself as bisexual, a sexuality she no longer identifies with and tells us she ultimately prefers to reject labels.
“Over the years, I’ve just given myself a label to make other people feel comfortable – as us queer people often do. I’ve never really felt like a label has fit me perfectly. Why can’t I just be me? I’m only labelling myself to make you feel comfortable so that you can understand me better,” she says.
Being unapologetic and label-free has been made easier by being in a secure relationship. As she talks to us on Zoom from their shared home, Bree banters with partner Sophia (pronounced Sapphire) who is off-camera in the background.
The two met on Bumble after Bree had been through a bad breakup.
“I wasn’t ready to date. She and I matched, spoke and added each other on Instagram. About five months later, I went on an ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ journey in the Philippines, and she messaged me saying she had recently been there and recommended places to go. When I got back to Auckland, we met up straight away and have been inseparable ever since.”
When asked if Sophia is the first partner she has lived with, her face takes on a momentary look of disbelief… that disperses into a cheeky smile and the following exchange:
“Olly, I’m a gay woman! Do you think she’s the first woman that I’ve lived with? We move in at the drop of a hat!”
So what is the shortest timeline between the first date and moving in that you’ve ever had?
Bree goes quiet.
OMG, Is it weeks?!
“Not that bad. Probably… four months…. I’ve done that a few times. I’m such a stereotype!” she laughs.
“I think I got smarter as I got older, though. Sophia and I were together for at least, probably, a year before we moved in. That’s like 10 years in the lesbian world!”
After joking that the entire decision to move in was (and should be) based on an alignment of the white goods that you own, she warmly tells us, “I’ve never been in a relationship where it just matches and comes together as well as this one!”
When your relationship is going that well, the next natural step is to adopt a couple of fur babies. Bree and Sophia named theirs, Whitney Houston and Meryl Streep, and Bree corrects me when I refer to them solely by their first names. It’s important to her that I include ‘Houston’ and ‘Streep.’
“I just feel like people miss opportunities when they name their dog a boring name!” she laughs.
It’s not hard to see why these two talented gay icons would inspire.
“Whitney Houston is one of the greatest talents and voices of our time, and I relate to her story. It’s very sad that at that time, she couldn’t have her career and the love of her life (allegedly her female assistant Robyn Crawford).
“I can’t imagine how hard her life must have been. I hope if she had been coming up in this time, it would have been different,” Bree reflects.
Away from her happy home life, Bree is also in love with her job presenting Celebrity Treasure Island, which she has presented for six seasons, the latest of which was the first to feature a drag queen (Spankie Jackzon).
“Coming from the queer community and being a massive drag fan, I felt like it was a real moment to have a drag queen in full drag on the first episode. When I was younger, I wouldn’t have thought in a million years that that would be possible in mainstream media.
“I’m sad she didn’t win, but we’ve had so many gay men win the show already that I feel like people would have been pissed!” she says.
Three gay men have won Celebrity Treasure Island in the last four years, and Bree thinks she knows why we have such disproportionate success.
“Gay men are just crafty motherfuckers!” she points out. “They’re so sociable, likeable, vibrant. ‘But damn, we will cut a bitch if we need to!”
Catch more of Bree Tomasel’s anecdotes on ‘Bree & Clint’ on ZM. Unapologetically Me is out now.
