April: Ask Agony Uncle Eli

express April Agony Uncle Eli

Rainbow Counsellor Elijah Luke Michel is here to help with your problems:

I have a problem. My new girlfriend told me the other day that I’m too clingy. I asked her what she meant and she said I text her too often during the day and expect to see her four or five times a week, which she finds too much. Isn’t it normal, though? People who are married see each other every day?

How long have you been dating? The reality is you’re not married, and it sounds like your girlfriend is feeling smothered. Everyone is different in their need to connect with others, so there’s no right or wrong in how often they do. The important thing is to discuss and respect those needs. If it’s early days in your relationship, four/ five days a week could seem too much, too soon. Ask her what she would prefer and if that matches your needs, then go well with your relationship. If she can’t give you what you need, find someone else who can, keeping in mind levels of attachment and co-dependency.


I’ve been worried for months now that my partner is cheating. He has been working after hours most nights since February and never wants to have sex when he does finally get home. I know he has a new colleague he gets on well with and has lunch with at times. Could they be sleeping together too?

Sadly many of us worry about things that we don’t have all the facts around, or that never eventuate. Have you asked your partner if things are okay in your relationship? I’d be careful not to assign blame where there may be none as this can be hurtful and create mistrust. Ask if you can have a heart-to-heart and address the facts: he has been working late most nights and he is not as sexually active in the bedroom. Hopefully he’ll reassure you he’s just tired from overworking and establish boundaries at work. If he admits to cheating then at least you now know and can find someone faithful.

Elijah Luke Michel works with the LGBT+ community as a chaplain and face-to-face counsellor at OUTLineNZ. If you have an issue you would like Elijah to talk about in express, email ask@gayexpress.co.nz.