Rainbow Counsellor Elijah Luke Michel is here to help with your problems.
Q I made a New Year’s resolution to be more social but I don’t know where to start. I work a lot and don’t have any friends so when I do get time off I’m lonely and bored. How can I improve my social life?
A It’s interesting we use the term “social life” as if it’s a separate entity to the rest of our existance when in fact social interaction is a consistent part of life. Unless we live as a hermit, we experience human interaction at the shops, at work, and even when we’re travelling to and fro. Learning healthy interpersonal skills in these areas allows us to manage other areas that involve socialising and bonding on a deeper level easier. Begin by practicing social connection in everyday life – thank the bus driver, say hello to a colleague at the proverbial water cooler, ask your local diary owner how their day is going. Don’t expect anything deeper, just practice by acknowledging others. When you feel ready, research local hobby/interest groups. They’re a great way to meet like-minded people in a comfortable setting before inviting people deeper into your life. The fact you made this a resolution means it’s important to you. Negotiate less hours at work – or if you’re choosing to overwork to stay busy then negotiate with yourself more freedom to connect. You’re worth it.
Q Recently my partner made a derogatory comment about my weight. It’s not the first time and he knows it hurts me. Last time he said something I stopped eating altogether. Now I’m afraid I’ll do it again as I’ve started skipping meals. Can you help me to lose weight so he won’t be so mean?
A Well done for recognising your trigger and signs of an unhealthy behaviour resurfacing. Regardless of what your partner’s motivation is, it all comes down to you. What do you want for your life? How important is physical health? Respect in a relationship? When you choose to self-sabotage by denying yourself nutrients you’re giving him the power. How much does your partner weight? Losing him will mean immediately weight loss. You’re worth more.
If you have an issue you would like Elijah to address in express, email ask@gayexpress.co.nz.Questions are only viewed by Elijah and your identity will remain completely confidential at all times.
