Why Are So Many Great Gay Men Single?

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Christmas is a time for sharing, but your heart can be one of the hardest things to give. But as Dick Richards points out, you’ve got to give love to receive!

I think we’ve all been that single person who hates people who are in relationships. It’s kind of a rite of passage. We tell ourselves we don’t need a counterpart because we are independent, and better as a solo artist. We watch Sex and the City and embrace the single life. We listen to The Pussycat Dolls ‘I Don’t Need A Man’ on repeat. We do what we want and do who we want when we want to. It’s bliss… isn’t it?

You’re untouchable when you’re single. Your heart doesn’t have to be open, you’re not accountable to anyone, and more importantly, you’re not vulnerable. So many of us have stayed single or chosen to be single because it’s safe.

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You can’t get your heart broken if you never give it away – that’s an undeniable truth. Another undeniable truth is your heart will eventually die if it doesn’t get used – and that is heart-breaking. So, there isn’t much choice for us when it comes to protecting our hearts – because either way, it’s going to feel some pangs. 

Let’s be honest… dating sucks. There are so many weirdos and liars and fuck boys out there, I mean who can really be bothered. If we have good friends and Grindr, then why would we need a partner? The answer is because we are human and we are desperate for connection. Not shallow online interaction or hook-ups but deep honest intimate connection. It’s fucking scary. 

I know so many great people who for their own reasons choose a single life. I know for some of them the dating game is just too painful and time-consuming. They’ve been burned too many times. I’ve been burned and thought I’d never recover – boy was I wrong. I’ve had so many awkward dates but met so many interesting people because of it. Now when we think of dating, we think of the app experience – which is nasty and judgmental, not the actual person to person experience – which whether it goes well or pear-shaped – is still an interesting experience. 

Many times, I’ve heard people say “and that’s why I stay single!” They hear and see scenarios where couples have conflict, or someone cheats, or it’s a horrific break-up. And those totally are the risks. Then I know some couples who are great. They complement each other, there’s respect and there’s love. And I know for a fact it wasn’t an easy road to get there. They had to kiss a few frogs before they got to their prince. But the point is, you got to be in the game to win the game. 

Life isn’t meant to be safe. Nor is it meant to be flat-lined. Life will always be filled with highs and lows – whether you’re single or not. No one wants to get their heartbroken – it’s one of the most awful things to experience. You’re gambling on yourself which is a massive risk. But the payoff could be bountiful! You never know what’s around the corner – and you’ll NEVER know unless you walk towards that corner. In the words of the great Celine, “Don’t surrender, ’cause you can win, in this thing called Love.”

And we all know Celine knows a thing or two, “about the power of love!”

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