When it comes to dating, Dick Richard’s two biggest red flags are behaviours he himself is guilty of. So how do we avoid attachment issues, both in ourselves and others?

When it comes to dating and relationships, I have found there are two common red flags that will put everything on pause and possibly ruin what could be a successful relationship. Drum roll, please… those two things are anxious attachmentsand avoidant attachments

Lets start with the former. In laymans terms, anxious attachmentsare what youd call being clingy. Its a word no one wants to be associated with – Id rather be called a dirty slut than that awful Cword. Its the overthinking and overanalysing that really mess with your self-esteem and self-worth. Its not very attractive. The behaviour of a person who is anxiously attached can be manipulative, desperate, and sometimes quite embarrassing. Weve all seen it unfold, and maybe weve been the one unfolding. 


The latter is what Id describe as fuck boybehaviour. Avoidant attachment’ behaviours are ambivalent, confusing, hot and cold, and mysterious. These characteristics have been portrayed onscreen and in books as that unattainable, hot, mysterious man. I dont know of one person who hasnt fallen for someone with an avoidant attachment. For some reason, were like a moth to the flame for their elusive and hard to getgameplay. We think that if we can get this person, then that must make us pretty special. Its a lie. 

I hate to admit it, but Ive been both. Ive been the insecure one in a relationship, constantly analysing and overthinking, and Ive also been the elusive one, keeping my partner at arms length. I think it depends on what the other person is. If theyre avoidant, Im anxious, and if theyre anxious, Im avoidant. Ive been trying to work out why I do this, and I think what it is, is a lack of my own self-worth. If someone wants me, I push them away, and if someone is ambivalent, then I chase them as theyre proving my worthlessness. Its a bit sad, isnt it? But now I know, and now I am working towards being what we all want, and thats having a balanced attachment. 

But what feeds these attachments? The main ingredient for anxious and avoidant attachments is fear. We all have it, weve all experienced it. Can we be blamed? Dating and relationships are scary. Opening your heart and letting someone in is terrifying. Its so much easier to just fuck and have a few dates and move on to the next person, but is that really what we want deep down? Im going to say no. Im not being old school, but I think humans need human connection; we need relationships. What Ive come to understand is that neither ‘attachments’ make you a villain, but if left unchecked, youll probably be on the dating apps longer than anticipated. 

A balanced attachment is the goal, and that takes a lot of patience and self-awareness. Be honest with yourself about how youre feeling, ask yourself why youre feeling a certain way, and watch your behaviour. If they havent texted you back, or if they invite you to meet the parents, or if they dont want to have sex, what do you do, and how does that make you feel? Figure out what is driving the fear, and maybe youll see that what youre feeling isnt always what your fear is telling you. 

The word ‘attachment’ has so many yucky connotations, but we cant help but get attached to people we like. Its natural and perfectly healthy. We just want it to be balanced.