Ask Agony Uncle Eli

Elijah Michel
Written by Elijah Michel

Rainbow Counsellor Elijah Luke Michel is here to help with your problems.

Q.  I’m in a bit of a predicament. I met a guy at a gay bar in Wellington last month and we hooked up that night. He seemed familiar but I figured I’d seen him on a dating site or something so didn’t think much of it. We didn’t bother exchanging numbers, and I never thought more about him. Until now. My flatmate just showed me a photo of his boyfriend of 6 months who’s finally moving up to Auckland, to move in with us. Guess who?!

A.  A predicament indeed. So what are the facts? Are they in a monogamous relationship? On a break at the time? Will he remember you? You didn’t know who he was that night so you haven’t done anything amiss. Be candid with your flatmate and let him decide how best to proceed as things could go a variety of ways. Good luck!


Q.  A few months back I met a wonderful lady online and have been in an open relationship with her and her (male) partner since. I have little to do with him, but I really like her and I’m beginning to question why she is with him if they never have sex but live together. She says they’re best mates and he is Asexual and fine with her seeking physical intimacy elsewhere. I say why be with him if I can give her everything she needs?

A.  It sounds like you’re confused over her sexuality and commitment to her partner. No one person can give us all we need. We are attracted to and have different longings for various people we connect with on our life journey. He, regardless of his gender, is not physically attracted to anyone, and she is attracted to females (and could be lesbian, bisexual or pansexual) however he is clearly meeting a need/attraction you can’t. That’s okay. Enjoy her for who she is to you, and respect him as someone who likes her as much as you do.

About the author

Elijah Michel

Elijah Michel

Elijah Michel is a faithless Chaplain and Counsellor for the Rainbow Community, working with both Rainbow Youth and OUTLine NZ as an independent consultant.

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